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How Should I Tell My Spouse That I Want to Get a Divorce?

Posted on in Divorce

Plainfield divorce attorney

“We need to talk.” Those four words have so much power and weight to them, especially when you are in a romantic relationship with someone. The conversation that you must have when you tell your spouse that you want a divorce can be extremely difficult. It often requires you to face the conflict head-on and outwardly admit that you are unhappy in your marriage. Even though it is not a conversation you necessarily want to have, it is a conversation that you must have if you are thinking about ending your legal union with your spouse. Whether you and your spouse have tried to make the marriage work for years or the marriage is simply over, having this conversation is the first step in initiating the divorce process. 

Tips to Consider Before Discussing the Subject

Telling your partner that you want a divorce should not be done on a whim or out of anger. It should be approached after careful consideration and preparation. Here are a few important things to keep in mind when telling your spouse you want a divorce:

  • Do not bring up the “D-word” unless you are certain you mean it. Couples have small fights and bigger arguments all of the time. It is a general rule of thumb that you do not use divorce as a threat if you are in an argument or fight and the conversation gets heated. Divorce is a significant legal and emotional process, which is why it should be taken seriously. Depending on your situation, you may want to try a legal separation first before initiating a more permanent situation such as divorce.

  • Timing and location of the discussion matter. There are many things that are outside of your control when you get a divorce, but one of the things that you can control about the divorce is where you break the news to your spouse. Try to have the conversation with your spouse when you are both able to focus on the conversation at hand and when your spouse is emotionally ready to receive the news. If possible, you should try to make sure your children are not home and that you have the house to yourselves. Once you tell your spouse, it is important that you set aside a time to inform the children together. 

  • Be ready for your spouse’s reaction, but try to avoid the details. There are many ways that your spouse could react to the news that you want a divorce, but you should be able to know whether or not the news will be a complete surprise or not. If you suspect that he or she might become violent, arrange to talk in a public place. Try to use “we” statements instead of “I” statements to avoid placing blame and try to avoid oversharing hurtful details with your spouse when explaining the reasons why you want to part ways.

Our Naperville Divorce Attorneys Are Here to Help

If you are thinking about getting a divorce, there are many issues to consider, including how to break the news to your spouse. If you are unhappy in your current marriage, you should speak with a skilled DuPage County divorce lawyer who can discuss your options with you and who can guide you throughout your divorce proceedings. Contact the distinguished Law Office of Ronald L. Hendrix, P.C., by calling 630-355-7776 to schedule a free consultation so we can get started on your case by representing your best interests.


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