It’s no secret that divorce is hard. For most people it’s one the most emotionally challenging times in their lives. As a Naperville divorce attorney for the last 18 years, I have found that clients who have successfully moved on with their life after divorce exhibit certain characteristics and behaviors. In this post, I offer a list of suggestions for achieving a successful outcome for your divorce.

Focus on your new life Tips for a successful divorce

Yes, divorce is tough. However, after a period of adjustment many people find that their new life is much better. It is important during the divorce process to focus on your new life, work towards new dreams, and most importantly let go of the past.

Stay positive and confident about yourself

Being divorced does not mean that you are a failure or that you’ve done something wrong. It simply means that your relationship with your spouse did not work out. This is not a time to get down on yourself. You are worthy of love and capable of living a great new life post-divorce. Stay positive!

For children of divorcing parents there is a period of adjustment for them to feel comfortable and happy living in two houses. It is possible that, your children may already have some anxiety about the divorce and adapting to life in two households may increase their anxiety. However, as a parent you can employ some strategies that will make the transition less challenging for your children.

Children of Divorcing Parents Here are some strategies for helping your children adjust to living in two homes:

Focus on routines

Kids love stability so it is very important to maintain consistent routines for play, bedtime, homework, and meals. These routines do not need to be the same at each house. However, it is important to have consistent routines in each home.

If you are living in Naperville or the surrounding communities and are contemplating divorce, it is important to take the appropriate action and prepare for the divorce process. This post recommends 7 steps to prepare for your impending divorce.

Gather information, learn about, and understand your rights.

The vast majority of people entering the divorce process for the first time do not truly understand how the divorce process works. It’s important to consult with an attorney before the divorce process starts and learn what your rights and responsibilities are. Additionally, an experienced attorney can help you gain insight into what type of divorce you may be facing (litigation, mediation, collaborative divorce, uncontested divorce).

Develop a balance sheet for your marital assets and liabilities.

Start by listing all your debts and financial obligations (home mortgage, auto loans, credit cards etc.) Then list all of your financial accounts including insurance policies, retirement accounts and other savings accounts and vehicles. Additionally, take an inventory of all your personal belongings including automobiles, boats, artwork and furnishings. Having a clear understanding of your financial situation is critical for making decisions about your divorce, and will save you time and money when you start working with an attorney.

If you are living in Oswego, Kendall County or the Naperville area and are considering Divorce, then you may want to consider Mediation as an option. Divorce mediation is a process where a neutral mediator assists both you and your soon to be ex in coming to an agreement on a divorce settlement. It’s a process that allows divorcing spouses to stay involved with the decision-making process during their divorce rather than rely on a court. For the most part the process focuses on cooperative problem-solving and addressing the needs of both you and your soon to be ex. Here are 7 benefits of divorce mediation:

• You have increased decision-making powers over the outcome of your divorce. You and your ex choose the primary topics that you want to negotiate and settle on. Then through cooperative negotiation the two of you create a divorce agreement that aligns with the unique needs of your family. You and your ex are no longer forced to work within the strict guidelines of the litigation system which gives the court the decision making power over your final divorce agreement. As a result the two of you can create a more detailed agreement that meets the specific needs of your situation.
• Increased privacy. All the communications and documents created during divorce mediation are confidential. In contrast when you take your divorce to court everything is argued in a public setting in front of a judge, attorneys, court employees and numerous other people that may be in the court room. It is an awful feeling to have to share details about your marriage and your children to a court room full of strangers.
• Mediation is user-friendly. Often times you’ll have the option to have meetings in the evenings or on weekends. And it’s not required that you appear in person at the meetings. For example, many mediations occur via video conference. In contrast, the court may not be as flexible and you are required to adapt to the schedule and rules of the court.
• It’s easier on the children. If you go to court your children may be required to appear there. For child custody proceedings it’s not uncommon for the children to be interviewed and observed by several experts. All this is avoided if the divorce mediation process is used. And because the overall process involves less conflict the children are less exposed to the hostility between the parents.
• There is less adversity. The focus of the mediator is on the needs of both you and your spouse, not on winning or determining who is to blame. A good Mediator will work with you and your spouse to help you both stay focused on your individual needs and in turn help you come to a mutually acceptable agreement. With divorce mediation there is far more communication and far less fighting.
• It will save you money. Typically in divorce mediation one professional works with both you and your ex to help you come to agreement. And you’re only paying for the time that you’re in meetings rather than waiting around in court with two attorneys. In contrast, with divorce litigation you’re paying for a costly drafting of motion papers back and forth between attorneys and then the associated court appearances.
• It improves your chances of moving on to a new and better life. After all, the goal of the divorce is to make a positive change and move on. Mediation, because it’s less adversarial, allows both you and your ex to move on with your new lives in a more positive way and opens the door for you to forgive each other, to work well together raising your children, and to both live a great life.

Author Ron Hendrix is a Divorce attorney and mediator serving clients in Oswego, Naperville and the surrounding areas including Kendall County, Will County, DuPage County and the Chicago metro area.

The divorce process can be emotionally and economically draining on families. Over the years as a divorce attorney in Naperville, Illinois, I have found that the periods before and after the divorce are the most challenging times in my clients’ lives. And, the process of divorce can be particularly difficult for children of divorcing parents.

Children Through the Divorce Process When children are involved, the ideal scenario is that the divorcing parents are amicable and that they cooperate, not only in the divorce process, but in supporting the children during this time. However, not all divorces are amicable, and in this case it is even more crucial for parents to consider the emotional health of their children before, during, and after the divorce. The following guiding principles should be considered by any parent confronting a divorce.

Principle 1 – Encourage your child to have a positive relationship with your spouse during and after the divorce. Do not allow your child to overhear conversations about your spouse and your divorce, or make negative comments directly to your child about the other parent. It is important that children feel safe and know that both parents love and support them. Treating your spouse with respect and presenting a united front to the children will allow the children to maintain positive feelings toward both parents. If possible, parents should meet with their children together to explain the divorce.