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How to Manage Co-Parenting Conflict After Your Illinois Divorce
When you have children, divorce usually does not mark the end of all interactions with your ex-spouse. In most cases, the two of you continue to bear an important responsibility to share in the raising of your children. While it can be nice to have the other parent’s support and assistance, co-parenting after divorce may also result in disagreements and conflict between you and your spouse, so you should know how to manage those conflicts to keep them from getting out of hand and hurting your children.
Tips for Successful Co-Parenting After an Illinois Divorce
It is not always easy to co-parent with your ex, but following these suggestions can help you reduce stress and maintain a better situation for yourself and your children:
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Follow your parenting plan: The agreement established in your divorce regarding parenting time, parental responsibilities, and child support is legally binding. Failing to follow its terms not only makes things difficult for the other parent but can also result in legal and financial consequences for you. If you find it difficult to follow the parenting plan due to a recent change in your life, you should consider pursuing an order modification.
What Are the Differences Between Legal Separation and Divorce?
When a couple is having problems with their marriage, sometimes the decision to divorce is clear-cut. However, many couples are not ready to take the irreversible action of ending the marriage, and instead, wish to spend time apart while they contemplate their next step. For these couples, or for those spouses who wish to avoid divorce because of cultural beliefs or health insurance benefits, a legal separation may be a good option. If you do choose to pursue it, you should understand exactly what legal separation entails and how it differs from a complete dissolution of the marriage according to Illinois law.
What Happens in an Illinois Legal Separation?
For you and your spouse to be considered legally separated, you must be living in separate locations, and one of you must file a Petition for Legal Separation with your county’s Circuit Court. If your separation is approved, you should consider the following legal implications:
Will Infidelity Affect the Outcome of My Illinois Divorce?
A cheating or unfaithful spouse can put a huge strain on a marriage, and in many cases, one from which the marriage cannot recover. If your spouse has been unfaithful to you, you may understandably be angry and upset, and if you have cheated on your spouse, you may feel shame and regret. Beyond these emotional struggles, you and your spouse will likely face the difficult decision as to whether you should divorce in the aftermath of infidelity. If you do decide to proceed with legally ending your marriage, you should be aware of how the unfaithfulness can factor into the outcome.
Understanding the Impact of Adultery on a Divorce
Infidelity will almost certainly have some effect on the way you and your spouse go about the divorce proceedings, but it may not always have as much of an impact as you might expect. Some things to keep in mind about infidelity when going through your divorce include:
What Are the Options for My Illinois Divorce Proceedings?
The stereotypical depiction of divorce is often more fiction than fact. You have likely seen couples in movies screaming at each other from across an empty courtroom as a judge tries to get control over the proceedings. While this may be the case for divorcing couples who have a complex, contentious relationship, most spouses keep things out of the courtroom. Before making a decision on how you would like to pursue your divorce case, you should be aware of your legal options in Illinois. In order to appeal to the varying dynamics between divorcing couples, many law firms offer a variety of divorce resolutions.
Divorce Mediation
For couples who are splitting amicably and have productive communication skills, mediation is a good option. This form of alternative dispute resolution allows the spouses to work together to create their own, unique divorce agreement, without court intervention. A third-party mediator will be present throughout the process to keep things on track while remaining neutral to both spouses. They will not advocate on behalf of either party but will be well-versed in divorce law and the details of divorce agreements. Both spouses should show the agreement to their own individual attorneys before signing to ensure neither party is benefiting significantly from the agreement.
What Must Be Included in My Illinois Parenting Plan?
If you are considering divorce and have children with your spouse, you may be wondering how things will be handled if you do decide to split. Not all divorcing couples experience contention in their parental relationship; some simply lose their romantic connection after some time together. Regardless of how amicable your relationship is, you are required to create a parenting plan according to Illinois divorce laws. Co-parenting can be difficult, especially with someone who you have legally divorced. This parenting plan will help guide you and your spouse with your future parenting arrangements and decisions, especially if you do not stay on friendly terms forever.
Illinois Requirements
Parenting plans are fairly customizable to fit each family’s unique needs; however, there are a few issues that are required to be addressed in an Illinois plan. The first topic that must be outlined is parental responsibilities. Divorcing parents must designate a custodial parent, or primary caregiver, and non-custodial parent. You should also detail who will be doing what, including each parent’s ability to make education, healthcare, and extracurricular activity decisions. Parenting plans will also include a detailed schedule, known as parenting time, which notes who will be caring for the child each day of the week. Each family’s parenting time arrangement will differ, with some choosing a more equal division and others having one parent be the primary parent. You must also include information about how you will handle disagreements on your parenting plan. Most parents will turn to mediation to avoid spending time in court, but if a history of abuse is present, this may not be applicable. One of the last required areas in an Illinois parenting plan is how to handle the relocation. If one parent wishes to relocate with his or her child out of state, he or she will need permission from the other parent, or the court, to do so.
What Can I Modify in My Illinois Divorce Agreement?
Divorce agreements are made with the intention that they will last forever. While this may be the case for those who get divorced and do not have any children or alimony requirements, divorce agreements rarely last the test of time. When children or monthly support payments are involved, things never remain the same over time. Luckily, the Illinois court system addresses this possibility within their divorce legislation. In order for modifications to be made to your agreement, you must meet the criteria outlined below.
Spousal Maintenance
The purpose of spousal maintenance is to even the financial divide between both spouses and provide the lower-earning spouse with financial assistance. The terms of these payments vary for each divorce agreement. Some may be expected to provide this support indefinitely while others have a specified timeline. Divorced couples always have the ability to revisit their agreement, especially if they feel that the spousal maintenance requirements are unnecessary or unfair.
How Can I Co-Parent My Child Long-Distance After Divorce?
Many people have experienced a long-distance relationship at some point in their life. Maybe you dated your high school sweetheart through college or perhaps you frequently traveled for business throughout your marriage. The most common consensus about long-distance relationships: They can be difficult to maintain. For divorced parents, living apart from their child can be a challenge, even if it is just down the street. For those who have relocated across the country, co-parenting might feel impossible. While you may not be able to see your child on a daily basis, it is still possible to remain an integral part of his or her life. Regardless of your location, and with a little extra effort, you can begin to close the gap even from afar.
Put Things in Writing
As a long-distance parent, it is even more important to have your legal rights listed. All divorcing parents must create a parenting plan, which they are able to adjust the details over the years as things undoubtedly change. Be sure to update your parenting plan with your co-parent before moving thousands of miles away. You should outline when you will see your child so that you can enforce the terms if necessary. This includes special considerations for holidays and school vacations. Travel costs can get fairly steep, so it may be easier for you to visit your child rather than have him or her fly to you.
Can I Stop Paying Alimony if My Ex Starts Living with Someone Else?
When it comes to paying spousal support or maintenance (alimony), a common question is, “What happens if my ex remarries or starts living with someone else?” Do you still have to pay alimony in this situation? Under Illinois law, the remarriage of a former spouse receiving alimony automatically terminates the paying spouse’s obligations, unless the divorce settlement or judgment specifies otherwise. Even if the receiving spouse does not formally remarry, but instead starts “cohabitating” with another person, the paying spouse can still seek a court order terminating spousal maintenance. But keep in mind, unlike with remarriage, cohabitation does not automatically end alimony obligations.
Appellate Court Finds “Friends with Benefits” Relationship Not Enough to End Alimony
Am I Entitled to My Former Spouse’s Retirement or Disability Benefits?
Retirement accounts are frequently among the most important assets involved in an Illinois divorce case. If pension benefits are earned by either spouse during the course of a marriage, they are considered marital property. So in the event of a divorce, a judge may issue a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO), which enables the division and transfer of retirement funds without incurring any legal penalties.
Appeals Court: Divorce Settlement Did Not Refer to Former Husband’s Disability Pay
A recent decision from the Illinois First District Appellate Court raised an interesting question related to divorce and retirement benefits–namely, does a QDRO affecting a former spouse’s pension also apply to any pre-retirement disability benefits they receive?
The facts of this case, In re Marriage of Sullivan, are fairly straightforward. A husband and wife divorced after nearly 13 years of marriage. During the marriage, the husband acquired pension benefits through several plans. Based on a marital settlement agreement (MSA) negotiated between the parties, a Cook County judge entered a QDRO, giving the wife 50 percent of all listed pensions.
After the judge entered the order and the divorce was final, the now-former husband applied for Social Security Disability insurance benefits. This was necessary so that he could also receive long-term disability benefits under his pension plans. When the former wife learned of this, she went back to court, arguing that she was also entitled to 50 percent of the disability benefits. The former husband argued the MSA and QDRO only applied to retirement benefits, not disability.
The courts sided with the former husband. The First District, affirming a Cook County judge’s prior ruling, noted that the “absence of an express or even implied reference to disability or disability benefits” strongly suggested that the “parties did not contemplate benefits at the time of dissolution.” Indeed, the agreement and QDRO only intended for the former wife to share in the former husband’s “retirement benefits.
The way that disability works, the former husband will receive those disability benefits until he reaches his normal retirement age of 65, at which point those benefits convert into the pension. So as the appeals court explained, had the former husband “never become disabled, he would not be receiving any payments” from his disability plan.
How Does a Legal Separation Affect a Spouse’s Inheritance Rights?
Here is a common question regarding divorce in Illinois: If I divorce my spouse, can he or she still inherit property under my will? The short answer is that if you did not bother to change your will after the divorce–and you really should–then any language naming your ex-spouse as a beneficiary or executor is automatically invalidated. The remainder of your will remains valid; the law simply acts as if your former spouse had predeceased you. Of course, you are always free to sign a new post-divorce will naming your ex-spouse as a beneficiary or executor; this rule only applies to pre-divorce wills. If a person dies without a will, his or her estate is subject to distribution under Illinois intestacy law. Intestacy usually provides that the surviving spouse will inherit all or part of the estate, depending on whether or not the deceased had any children or heirs. But as with the rules governing wills, a former spouse’s right to intestate succession ends with the entry of a divorce judgment.









